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PadLock Heart
Is this a good opening for a story?
Footsteps sounded on the old wooden floor, i knew there was no one there; only me. i saw them all leave the school.
i hurried on , telling myself everything was fine and there was no one there to be scared off. i still was.
soon i felt a bit better, imagination i decided it was.
before i left i needed the toilet so i went into the school loo. as i washed my hands i looked into the mirror. a shadow darted across the mirror.
terrified. i ran.
i rushed to the playground gates, heart thudding. the silver gates were shut and padlocked. i was too late.
"thats good", said a male voice, "safely shut in".
please give me your opinions on my story opening, i wrote age 13
let me explain a bit more, that was just the first paragraph.
the girl is walking out of school very slowly because she has to go home to her dad and his girlfriends house and she doesn't want too. all her friends rush home for the weekend and she takes her time. the male voice i dont want explained. i want mystery
It's okay. You really need to capitalize the beginning of sentences and when you say "i". You jump around a little bit and sometimes your commas are in the wrong place. Like where you say: "Footsteps sounded on the old wooden floor, i knew there was no one there; only me." You need to remove the comma after the word "floor" and put a period instead. Then start a new sentence. Also, when you say: "i saw them leaving the school." it doesn't make any sense. Who did you see coming? One more thing I would suggest would be for you to describe your character and where he/she is in more detail.
Overall, it nees a little bit of work, but you'll get there! You're only 13, after all. Good luck 
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| | Signature Moments Sterling Silver Heart Padlock Bead $46.54 The heart padlock bead from Signature Moments will inspire your jewelry creations. This bead was crafted of sterling silver in Italy.Includes: Single bead Materials: Sterling silverFinish: AntiquedStyle: Decorative Theme: HeartsColor: SilverBead dimensions: 12 mm wide x 10 mm long x 11 mm deep Hole dimensions: 4 mm in diameterAll weights and measurements are approximate and may vary slightly from the listed information. Please note that this item is only compatible with Signature Moments bracelets. See Treatment Guide for further information. |
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Madonna - Open Your Heart [Pander's Padlock Radio Mix]
Are you holding the key to that special persons heart.....?
OR do you wear the padlock x x x x x x
I got the key
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Boy that was long u r very wordy. To answer :I don't know